Fortunately self-esteem is not static but a living, breathing entity — at times amazing similar to a coral reef. These beautiful structures are formed by minute coral cell secretions (events) that across time take the shape that we are familiar with — some to wither and die, or conversely, grow to a point where they alter the very currents that make up seas and oceans.
The Great Barrier Reef off the coast of Australia is the accumulation of billions, maybe trillions of small actions (a single cell secretion) to form the world’s largest coral reef ecosystem — a 2,000 mile structure. The reef is quite a paradox that while at times amazingly sensitive to fierce tropical storms, toxins, and ecological events not only survives, but flourishes and provides home to countless ecological communities.
Our reef— self-portrait — emerges in response to myriads of events, continues to evolve and respond to the environment to give shape and definition to that which we are. And like the Great Barrier Reef self-esteem is sensitive to the fierce storms, disasters, and toxic elements yet is resilient enough that somehow most of us manage.
Low self-esteem often has roots in early childhood, and stems from the most intimate interaction of family, adults, and caregivers. Although a single incident may have a significant impact on how we feel about ourselves, more commonly our esteem is shaped by consistent patterns of interaction — much like the reef. Some of these include a hypercritical care giver, an inability to show affection or warmth, or where a parent displays open contempt for a child.
A healthy self-esteem includes two vital areas. The first is the life skills that let us navigate the roads of mortality successfully. These are grounded in problem solving, the ability to create and nurture relationships, and the capacity to remain alive, active, and move forward ‘in spite of heaven and hell’.
The other area, self-respect, is how we feel about ourselves and how our image of self-worth forms and shapes the belief that we are valued. Of the gifts that we can give to our children and ourselves the sense of personal worth really is priceless. It begins in early childhood with interaction from parents, family, and care givers, and is shaped by our relationship with Heavenly Father, and relationships with a spouse and loved ones. It is the healthy love of/from self, family, and God.
Self-respect issues arising in early childhood and formative periods are like the tiny reef secretions spoken of earlier. The many microelements that contribute to self-esteem may go unnoticed in caregivers but collectively either build or wage war on a child’s self-image. Simple statements, or even lack of attention, communicate subtle messages that a child is/ is not loved.
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Dr. Spruell is an author, educator, consultant, and featured/invited speaker. His speaking engagements have taken him across the globe from Kansas City to Melbourne.
His vast consulting experience provides unique insight into the real life problems faced by many. He is the author of the book, Creating an Extraordinary Life: Breaking Through the Abyss and numerous proceedings and articles.
© 2018 by James Spruell All rights